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Buffalo Days: Some personal bests

Best No-Show: Winter
Where was it? All I remember is planting pansies in the window boxes and enjoying a walk in eighty-degree weather. In early March. And then there was the sea of—perhaps ill-advised—skimpy tops and short shorts that made the scene during the St. Patrick’s Day parade. Research tells me that snow did fall in Western New York, but not very much: only twenty inches by January 29, and only thirty-plus by May 1. Compare that to over 100 inches during the 2010-11 season—and add the fact that much of what we did get in 2011-12 disappeared almost immediately within a day or so. This was not good news for area ski resorts, but I didn’t miss the white stuff one bit.
—E. L.

Best Locker Room Fodder: Tom Brady’s hotel bashing
New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady is not well loved around these parts, thanks to his propensity for scoring more points than the Bills do when he plays them. But during a Super Bowl press conference this year, he gave us a whole new reason to dislike him. When talking about the support he’s received from his father over the years, Brady gave the ultimate example of parental sacrifice—the man came to Buffalo to see him play. “I don’t know if you guys have been to the hotels in Buffalo,” Brady said, “but they’re not the nicest places in the world.” We should be immune to these cheap jokes by now, especially ones like these, which are in no way based in reality. So if you’re planning on hocking a loogie in Tom’s continental breakfast when he comes to town on Sunday, September 30, well, it would be all your idea. Shame on you for even suggesting it.
—J. S.

Best Commercial that Hides its Product: Twin Village Recycling
When the Twin Village Recycling commercial starring several chesty Buffalo Jills debuted several months ago, I wondered, at first, whether or not I was watching a commercial parody. If you have not seen it, this is the ad in which a gaggle of women in hard hats, Daisy Dukes, and plunging, midriff-baring shirts talk about … something. Metal recycling, I think? It’s hard to say, since the commercial itself is rather hard to follow after the initial surprise. This is an actual line in one of the ads, which was perhaps written and directed by Alex and his droogs: “Come in to Twin Village Recycling and we will get you in and out in ten minutes!” (Italics added by author.) While there is, perhaps, a Freudian urge to connect “Twin” with “breasts,” I’m not sure if there is another, more obvious link that I missed. (I suppose denim cut-offs are an example of everyday recycling, correct?) The questions the campaign raise may go unanswered, but one thing is certain—I’ll never forget the name Twin Village Recycling, whatever they do.
—C. S.

Strangest Example of Our Ability to Find Negativity in Unexpected Places: Dissing the National Trust for Historic Preservation Conference
As WNY basked in the glow of 2000-plus attendees from this prestigious organization drooling over the region’s architectural heritage (some of them still are, via Facebook and Twitter), a few people somehow managed to pee in the champagne. “If Architectural Queen is what we’re going with, there won’t be lot of room for other nuances,” snipped one blogger. And then there were tweets about the “oldness” or the “whiteness” of the attendees (who were actually quite  diverse), and other snarky stuff. Which is fine; all are entitled to voice their views, especially with snark. It was still surprising.
—E. L.

Most Shocking, Upsetting, Exhilarating Forty-eight Hours in the World, Ever: Mario Williams visits, ponders, signs with the Buffalo Bills
Defensive end Mario Williams, perhaps the most coveted NFL free agent since Reggie White, signed with the Buffalo Bills on March 15, after two of the more trying, yet rewarding, days in Bills fan history. The timeline went something like this: Quiet. Free agency starts. Twitter rumor. Photo evidence. Sleep. Rumors of departure. Rumors disproven. Twitter insanity. Sleep. Twitter insanity. Announcement. Disbelief. Tears of joy. When all was said and done, Mario Williams was a Bill, news that even a few days before would have been greeted by most fans with guffaws. It is worth noting, though, that even after the announcement came, we all felt some agita—the press conference was delayed for hours due to “language details.” We paced, and worried. Could some other team have swept in and kidnapped Mario?! And then we settled down, smiled, and starting pondering season tickets.
—C. S.