Reach Out and Touch Someone By Jay Pawlowski The network, my friends, is a lie.We’re not all one big, happy cellular family. Yes, we are all connected to each other through our cell phones. We’re free to talk whenever we want, wherever we want, and every cellular service provider will tell you that when we talk through their phones, via their network, we celebrate the American ideals of independence and freedom mixed with unity and togetherness. One nation, indivisible, thanks to our telecommunications network. But the paradox of the cellular phone is that using it cultivates an imagined sense of community while actually alienating us from one another. The ads stress togetherness and connectedness, but think of it this way: When you answer your cell phone in public, you’re essentially hanging up on the people physically surrounding you.You’re linking yourself to one network at the expense of another. This summer, a friend stopped over and asked if I wanted to take a walk up Elmwood to rent a movie. We didn’t make it half a block before he whipped out his phone, made a call, and talked loudly to someone about absolutely nothing the entire way. I’ve also been to lunch or dinner with people and sat in silence while they sent text messages to others through most of the meal. Why was I even there? Hanging out with chronic cell phone users reminds me of hanging out with cokeheads—they’re right there in front of you, talking the whole time, but no communication is actually taking place. We the people, slaves to our cellular phones. The problem is that cell phones spread too rapidly for the common-sense rules of etiquette to take hold. Sure, we all know the basics—turn your ringer off at the theater, don’t engage in “cell yell” about what really happened last night, use a hands-free device while swerving through traffic, and so on—but the process takes time. I’ll add that eighties sitcom theme music is not a great addition to the cacophony of ring-tones, but I may be alone in that one. The Cellular Telecommunications and Internet Association reports that in the first six months of 2005, wireless customers used their phones for 675 billion minutes. That’s a thirty-one percent increase from the first half of the year before. As we spend more and more time on our cell phones, reminders about courtesy will come at us from every direction—from the openings of movies at the cinema to the countless etiquette experts, one of whom established July as National Cell Phone Courtesy Month in 2001. And eventually, we’ll come around.We went through the same thing after the introduction of the original telephone. Etiquette quickly became a concern as people struggled to get used to this new way of communicating, and companies attempted to set standards of propriety. For example, in the early 1900s, AT&T distributed cards called “The Telephone Pledge,” which were to be attached to phone equipment.They read, “I believe in the Golden Rule and will try to be as Courteous and Considerate over the Telephone as if Face to Face.” We sure got that part down. Now, a hundred years later, all we need to do is get back to the face-to-face part.Just because we can talk on the phone anywhere at any time doesn’t mean we have to. This isn’t an anti-technology rant. Of course, cell phones make a lot of things easier, they’re fun, and they’re the first things we reach for in emergencies. We just need to remember that the feeling of connectedness we’re starting to become dependent upon is illusory. We frantically call someone, anyone, just so we’re not alone as we wait for our sushi or walk two blocks from the car to the store. And if our phone rings, we have to answer it—thanks to the vast extent of the network, we’re now always on call and expected to answer.But if we become too addicted to this illusion, we lose touch with our natural network of face-to-face conversations, body language, handshakes, accidental meetings on the street, and interaction with the people around us. Take away all our high-tech toys, and that network is all we have. Jay Pawlowski is a freelance writer living in Buffalo. Yes, he owns a cell phone. Back to the Table of Contents Back to Top