Claudia Moguel
this is a good age
By Maria Scrivani
 |
That’s how Claudia Moguel, fifty-two, views the years ahead, a time when other singles might bemoan the difficulties of finding a partner. “I am optimistic about my future, whether I end up with someone or not,” says this frank, quietly confident divorcee and mother of a twenty-year-old daughter. It is—perhaps surprisingly—the nature of her daily work that informs such sanguinity. Moguel is a drug counselor for ECMC, working out of a city satellite agency where she has surely seen the best and worst of human endeavor.
“I have worked with prostitutes, drag queens, rich people—you name it,” says the Buffalo native, who is part of a team that counsels an intensive outpatient group for people trying to establish abstinence. Most of her clients are court-mandated; some are referred through social services. “I am one of those people who see more of the good side of people than the bad,” she says. “Seeing the potential in people is what has kept me going.”
She took the serendipitous route to a career in substance abuse counseling. “I’ve always been interested in people who were different,” she says. She grew up in Buffalo’s historic Hamlin Park neighborhood, and recalls attending her father’s graduation from Bennett High School. He was a laborer, and after his death, her mother, who’d been a health educator for the county social services, retired and moved to Ohio, near her Kentucky roots. A brother is a musician and utility worker in Rochester.
After graduating from Buffalo Seminary, Moguel went on to Tufts University, where she majored in English and a new program, mental health. “I was interested in psychology, and this program was designed to prepare you to go right into the workplace as a paraprofessional.” That sounded good, but the year she graduated from college, 1976, was a not a great year for employment.
“Boston was too expensive, so I followed a friend to Philadelphia,” she recalls. “After a few months, I came back home.” She worked as a resident assistant in a halfway house for the mentally ill, a counselor in a methadone clinic, and then as an administrator of a truancy/dropout prevention program. “I discovered I didn’t like being in administration,” she says, and when an opportunity arose to work in substance abuse for the city, she took it. That job was followed by an offer of a permanent position for the county, and she started with ECMC in 1987, where she’s been since.
Somewhere in there was an ill-starred marriage, a six-year partnership that ended in the mid-nineties. Moguel doesn’t have much to say about the whys and wherefores, just that it didn’t work out—and it hasn’t soured her on the prospect. She’s had numerous relationships over the years. “You meet people through other people, through mutual friends,” she says in answer to the dilemma of how older singles can meet fellow eligibles. She has not seen much internet connecting in her age bracket, finding it a less comfortable option.
“It’s more difficult now because fewer people are available,” she explains, laughing a little at the absurdity of the whole adventure. “You’ve got people who are married—cynical after being married—or of the wrong sexual persuasion.” An attractive, fit woman who appears younger than her years, Moguel often dates men who are “seven to thirteen years younger.”
There are plenty who’d say she has nothing to complain about, and Moguel isn’t complaining. But she does see a different mindset in that age range, and says, ideally, she would prefer to date someone “my age or a bit older.”
Age issues aside, what is she looking for in a partner? Moguel, despite being well aware that some men “are intimidated by women who have their act together,” is happy to provide her own list of pluses and minuses. She is, after all, in her fifth decade: “This is a good age, where people have established their finances, their lifestyle—they are just more mature.” To wit:
Solid finances—“I’d like someone who has the basics—a place to live, a car to drive.”
Physical fitness—“Be reasonably in shape. Have a sense of style. Fix your teeth. Go to the barbershop. Wear clothes that fit.”
Spirit of adventure—“Be open to new things. Try something different, and I don’t mean spending a lot of money. Last week I enjoyed a show of art by people with autism. I went to a basketball game played by older, non-professional athletes. There’s a lot going on here—festivals and other events.”
Communication skills—“If I’m in a relationship, I want my needs to be your concern,” says Moguel. It’s a two-way street, though, and she admires men who can have “good, meaningful, mature conversations,”not just barroom banter.
In the meantime, she gets emotional sustenance from her daughter, who is a student at Temple University; good friendships she has with both men and women; and her involvement in church. “My spirituality has made a bit difference in the way I respond to most things,” she says. “Of course, as you get older, you don’t want to be by yourself—you want someone as a partner in life … But I know I’ll be alright, no matter what.”
Writer Maria Scrivani is a native of Buffalo with an interest in local history and people who make a difference.
SUBSCRIBE NOW
Back to the Table of Contents
Back to Top