The year in review
By the Guy on the 13th Floor
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Illustration by J.P. Thimot.
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January: The WNY withdrawal method
Leecia Eve, daughter of Arthur, had quietly been campaigning for the Democratic nomination for lieutenant governor on the premise that voters get to decide. Silly girl. Well, in a way she was right. Governor-to-be Spitzer is a voter and he decided on David Paterson, so Eve quit. Tom Golisano also quit in January, although he had never actually begun running—in this case for governor—to begin with. He did, however, take on former Erie County Democratic Chair Steve Pigeon as his personal Karl Rove and switched party affiliation from Independent to Republican in what looked like prep for an ’06 run. It is not beyond the scope of possibility that Pigeon was ill-advised in advocating quitting as a strategy for winning. Fortunately, Golisano appears to have a different team working on Sabres management.
February: Giambra for Congress
As if Republicans didn’t have a hard enough time in 2006, Joel Giambra began mentioning that he was being mentioned as a possible candidate to take on Rep. Louise Slaughter. We’re not sure if anyone other than Giambra himself was doing the “mentioning.” Giambra later decided not to run, which was a sad day for humorists everywhere. Slaughter, a Kentucky native who lives in Rochester and never wanted to represent Buffalo until it was grafted onto her district via a seventy-mile umbilical cord, went on to win in a walk, become Rules Committee chair in the House, and visit the Queen City at least—at least—once during her campaign.
March: Brown takes credit for police protest
The Buffalo Police decided to make their point by ticketing people on Elmwood Avenue and other areas that pass for thriving commercial districts in Buffalo. This was a royal pain in the ass. In his first test of leadership, Buffalo’s new mayor, Byron Brown, diffused the situation by claiming it was all his idea to begin with, as part of a zero tolerance policy. School Superintendent James Williams should take note—if the teachers go on strike he can claim the pickets are part of an employee fitness program. Anyway, while the city ceased its tolerance of people running into Spot Coffee for a latte, the city murder rate went up to its highest point in years.
April: Giambra advocates legalizing drugs
Perhaps feeling threatened by the new mayor taking over his usual lock on the kinds of stories that would ultimately make it into this kind of sarcastic year in review, County Executive Giambra came out for legalizing drugs as a way of dealing with all the murders (see above). Apparently, the thinking was that if the would-be killers were stoned, maybe their aim wouldn’t be so good. Something like that.
May: Suozzi woos vagrants
Democrats from across the state converged on downtown Buffalo to coronate Eliot Spitzer at their convention. Spitzer’s intra-party rival, Tom Suozzi, decided not to compete at the convention, but held an alternative rally on Main Street outside. Apparently, nobody told him that Main Street downtown is not exactly busy. Despite free hotdogs, the rally was … sparsely attended. Except for a few smelly guys with long, yellowing beards who were really loading up on the hot dogs.
June: Chris Jacobs sets a record
Chris Jacobs may be the only politician in Western New York history to lose two campaigns for two different offices in a span of five months. Jacobs, a member of the Buffalo School Board who last lost an election for the county legislature in 1995, came up short in February’s special election to replace Byron Brown in the state senate. Not to worry, then-Republican gubernatorial frontrunner William Weld picked Jacobs as his running mate. And that lasted many, many hours before Weld and Jacobs were unceremoniously rejected at the State Republican Convention in favor of John Faso and … oh, we can’t remember Faso’s running mate. In the event Jacobs’s supporter is reading this, fear not; despite his stellar, juggernaut-like record of victory, Jacobs is viewed by many to be the GOP’s most likely candidate for county executive next year.
July: Snowden contemplates moving
I thought about moving once but didn’t, and it never made the paper. Not so when it comes to Western New York’s favorite flesh-merchant, Rick Snowden. Snowden, who brought a little bit o’ Vegas to the corner of Nottingham and Lincoln Parkway, publicly mused about moving to … Vegas. The strip-club owner complained about the region’s bad attitude toward business. Here’s an actual quote from the Buffalo News: “New York taxes lap dances in strip clubs. And that, says Richard A. Snowden, is one of the main reasons he is leaving Buffalo.” The respectable businessman vowed to sell his clubs, move to Nevada, not run for county executive, and become a Democrat. Although this all got a lot of media attention starting in July and stretching into November, he kept only the last two promises (at least for now).
August: Casino talks collapse … for good …
we mean it … no more Mr. Nice Guy … no sireee
As the grain elevators began to come down and the “Sovereign Nation” fencing began to go up, the Brown administration decided to stop negotiating with the Senecas about turning over Fulton Street for use in building a casino complex. The basic issue: the city didn’t want to take the Senecas’ word that they would hold up their end of the agreement. This made the mayor seem like a tough negotiator—for a few months. Then, after several weeks of the Senecas seeming especially sincere about upholding their end of the agreement, he caved. Artvoice casino chronicler Bruce Jackson had a conniption.
September: Revenge is sweet for those in need of adult supervision
Something funny happened on the way to State Comptroller Alan Hevesi’s re-election cakewalk. Hevesi’s opponent, a bow-tie wearing guy named Christopher Callaghan who sort of looks like Moe from the Three Stooges, used Hevesi’s anti-fraud hotline to rat out Hevesi for using state employees to drive his wife around. Thus erupted the Driving Mrs. Hevesi scandal. Fortunately for Hevesi, he is hated by Joel Giambra. Giambra seized upon the chance to dump lots of money into Callaghan’s coffers, make news by claming Hevesi came to town to “deliver a political hit on me,” and generally draw a lot of attention to himself. Is it coincidence that Hevesi still won in a cakewalk?
October: Tom Reynolds, children,
a sweaty press conference, and the snowstorm from God
We now know why conservatives like Tom Reynolds are so publicly religious. God delivered for the guy in a big way. Reynolds was going, going, gone in the fallout of the Foley scandal, the most tasteless press conference in Western New York history (the one in which he was surrounded by children), and a serious case of the flop sweats. Then it happened: the skies opened and we had a snowstorm in the middle of October. Reynolds called the other Big Guy (President Bush) and had a FEMA commando squad descend on Williamsville with shovels and the rest is history. OK, OK, so the Lord wanted to re-elect Reynolds. But did He have to shut off my power for a week in order to do it?
November: It turns out Western New Yorkers wanted spare change
Eliot Spitzer actually underperformed out here in Western New York. This is perhaps because of his campaign slogan, “Day One: Everything Changes.” See, Western New Yorkers hate change. That’s why they re-elected everyone on the ballot who had been elected two years earlier.
December: One of these things could actually happen in December
Like we said, in our world, December hasn’t happened yet.
Here’s what we’d like to see:
• Poloncarz goes bald, grows mustache.
• Snowden announces candidacy, accepts campaign contributions in sweaty dollar bills tucked under his garter.
• State imposes control board on self.
• Jack Davis moves to China, opens company there.
• Local politicians hold forum about how WNY has too many regionalism advocates.
• Dave Swarts rents Clerks for 49th time.
And if any of these things happen, you’ll read about them in next year’s Year in Review!
The Guy on the 13th Floor actually still doesn’t have power from the October storm. He was given some comfort by reading about the city destroying that family’s house after the storm, and sending them a bill for $40,000. “And I thought I was cold,” says our Guy.
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